Our Reptilian Overlords, Romney Edition: Eat More Eggs!

by John MacBeath Watkins

Sometimes, the mask slips...

...and sometimes, the mask is missing entirely.
All right. I promised not to tell anyone this, so don't repeat it, okay? Mitt Romney is not Mexican, whatever rumors you may have heard, although he is an alien. He doesn't let the press get too close, because they might see through the makeup.

So, we're all agreed to keep this a secret just between us, right? Above is a picture of him before he's done his morning makeup (the picture is from this site):

Now, there's nothing you can do about this in the normal course of the political process. The fix is in, it was all negotiated on the moon -- that's what the NASA program was really about, setting up a meeting with the aliens who wanted to wipe us out over the "alien autopsy" (it was really vivisection) at Roswell.

Our Reptilian Overlords now rule us through the Trilateral Commission, the U.N., and the Bohemian Grove participants, and they have been very clever about concealing this by convincing people that only right-wing nuts believe it.

They have been very upset about Barack Obama, who is human, being elected president, and have done everything they can to convince people he is not One of Us, because having an actual human being as president is a disaster for them. John McCain was supposed to win, of course, and continue the Reptilian rule started under Ronald Reagan (that "chicken neck" thing he had wasn't really from a chicken, it was a failed effort to hide the fact that he was a reptile.) You may have noticed that at about that time, THEY started trying to get us to stop eating eggs. And who reproduces with eggs, I ask you? Reptiles!

Now, it is important that we don't tip off Our Reptilian Overlords that we know about this. That's why I've infiltrated this unassuming book blog to recruit an elite corps of incorruptible readers whose insane devotion to outmoded means of communication demonstrates that they cannot be turned from the Cause by things like reason or practicality.

Only in secret enclaves of anachronistic anarchists can we begin to form the core of a corps of compact OED-weilding maniacs who will someday take the earth back from the evil Reptilian Overlords. We will start by disrupting their reproductive cycle by eating more eggs.

Are you with me, friends? Mammals uber alles!