The Jedi mind-meld: Too much power in the hands of the president?

by John MacBeath Watkins

Our first Vulcan president has received the wrath of Comicon for mixing a science fiction metaphor.

Following an hour-long last-ditch meeting with congressional leaders, the president said, "I'm presenting a fair deal. The fact that they don't take it means that I should somehow do a 'Jedi mind-meld' with these folks and convince them to do what's right."

Curiously, the Reuters story I got that quote from says in the next paragraph that the president offered no new ideas to resolve the issue, after quoting him saying that he should use the previously unknown Jedi mind-meld.

Of course, George Lucas certainly got some inspiration for Star Wars from Star Trek. And in the mythology of science fiction, the Jedi lived long before the Vulcans, who might be an offshoot. After all, the evil emperor gets Vader to turn to the dark side by exploiting his emotions. It is entirely logical for the Vulcans to have decided they must avoid emotions to avoid the dark side.

The Dvasu, or priests, of the Vulcan religion can train people Ahkhinahr, which allows them to become psionic warriors. That would be the martial art of the Jedi mind trick. I wonder, has Barack Obama trained in Ahkhinah, or is he saying he must train in it to resolve the sequester?

He has now revealed his intentions, just as he has with the drones (Fire and death from the sky? Well, any sufficiently explained magic is indistinguishable from technology.) I suppose we'll have to wait until the Jedi mind meld has occurred before people start to wonder whether we should give so much power to an individual. And we must remember, the Republicans warned us that Obama was not one of us.

If the president already possesses this power, he has shown remarkable restraint in not using it. But it is not enough to rely on the restraint of an individual. I believe we must pass a constitutional amendment banning the use of the Jedi mind-meld by any person in the U.S. Government, except psionic warriors using it on enemy combatants.

It must be a constitutional amendment, because the Second Amendment clearly says we have a right to bear arms, and the Jedi mind-meld would certainly appear to be a weapon.